What happened next…

My mission was amazing. I met the greatest people, and had wonderful experiences. I learned so many things about the world, and myself. I cultivated an amazing relationship with my Heavenly Father and with Jesus Christ. I was quite blessed.

It wasn’t always great, I had some really hard times, but it made me a strong woman and strengthened my testimony of the gospel. I am grateful for everything that was my mission.

Coming home was so emotional. I was looking forward to seeing my family and friends. I wasn’t sure of my plans, but I knew I’d go back to school and work.

Five days after returning to MN, something happened that I would never wish on anyone.

My trust and spirit was shattered. The world I knew was turned upside down in less than an hour.

I ran into a family friend and after agreeing to give him a ride, I was raped someplace in the countryside and left there.

There are many details to this memory that I’ll be leaving out of this post. But wanted to make some references to it because it has shaped who I am today.

I never wish others to pity me or feel sorry that I went through hard things. My life was given to me for a very important reason.

I am a very strong woman and it would only be this way if I was put through the exact experiences that I have endured.

After this happened I was scared of everyone. Because I knew this person, I was questioning if I could ever trust anyone again. It was a frightening time for me.

I decided at the time not to tell anyone. I was ashamed, not sure if I would be believed and afraid if they did believe me the wrong people would be punished if something else happened as a result.

I was so unsure of what to do, so I pretended it never happened, but I had changed and everyone around me seen that. I blamed it on the fact that I didn’t want to be home from a mission.

I let everyone think that the mission had changed me. It was a great cover… for awhile.

Time went on, I moved away from my home town. Trying to feel safe. I started lying about my life, making it different, telling stories to people so I didn’t have to face the truth.

After a little while, I wasn’t sure what the truth was either.

I also started hating myself and doing things that were very dangerous for my safety.

I met strangers from the internet, trying to make believe I was in control of my life. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand at the time that my life was controlling me.

I had little self worth and was spinning out of control. The depression was terrible and I was living a life that really wasn’t mine anymore.

I hit rock bottom and felt alone and scared.

I wondered every day what was next and how it could get worse…

And it did.

Thanks for reading, Love, Heather


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